Setting a wedding budget you can stick to

A budget is not a promise to spend that amount. It is a ceiling that lets you say no to things quickly. Without one, every supplier quote gets judged on whether it feels reasonable, and after the fifth reasonable-feeling quote you are thousands over.

Start with what you actually have

Add up what the two of you can put in without borrowing, plus anything family have firmly offered. Ask family early and plainly whether a contribution comes with expectations about guests or the style of the day, because it often does and it is far easier to hear that now.

Then take ten percent off the top and put it aside. That is your contingency, and you will use it.

Where the money tends to go

Every wedding is different, but the pattern is consistent. The venue and the food together are usually around half of the total. Photography and video come next. Everything else shares what is left.

• ✦Venue, food and drink: roughly half
• ✦Photography and video: often around a tenth
• ✦Outfits, rings, hair and make up
• ✦Music and entertainment
• ✦Flowers, styling and stationery
• ✦Transport, cake, favours and everything small

Guest numbers move the total more than anything else

Food, drink, chairs, tables, invitations, favours, even the size of the room: all of it is priced per head. Taking twenty people off the list can save more than finding a cheaper photographer, and it costs nothing in quality.

If the numbers do not work, look at the guest list before you look at the suppliers.

The costs nobody mentions

• ✦VAT, if a quote was given without it
• ✦Service charges on food and drink
• ✦Corkage, if you bring your own drink to a venue that allows it
• ✦Travel and accommodation charges for suppliers coming from further away
• ✦Meals for suppliers who are with you all day
• ✦Outfit alterations
• ✦Postage for invitations
• ✦Notice of marriage and registrar fees
• ✦Wedding insurance

Keep one list, and update it

A single shared list with three columns does the job: what you budgeted, what you were quoted, and what you have paid. Update it every time you book something. The moment the quoted column goes over the budget column, you know which category has to give.

Every listing here shows a real starting price rather than 'contact for a quote', so you can check a category against your budget before you send anyone a message.